Crushing on You
by Cookie Monster4
Summary: What started out as a simple white lie on Hermione's part leads to a series of hilarious events. A traumatized and paranoid Draco is in the middle of it all.
1. Cookie One

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

**~~~**

"Truth or dare?" Ginny asked Hermione with mischievously glittering eyes. The other Gryffindor girls looked at Hermione with the curious and teasing gazes. 

Hermione almost wished they didn't have this slumber party here in the girls' dorms. Who would have thought they would end up playing silly games such as this? For the past hour she had seen Angelina steal a pair of Fred's boxers; she had seen how Parvati blushed like a ripe tomato when she finally admitted that she had a crush on Terry Boot; she had seen Mia flash her arse for a couple of seconds. Hermione had seen enough silliness in the past hour to last her a lifetime. But then again, she had to admit that it was fun. 

Hermione tilted her head while she pondered for a moment over the choices. Then she made up her mind. "Truth," she said confidently. She wouldn't choose dare—oh no, never. She didn't want to end up doing something that was surely humiliating. 

"Okay, truth. Nice choice," Ginny said. She bit her lower lip, her forehead furrowed in deep thought. And then she smiled wickedly "Hermione, I'm going to ask you who your crush is among the boys here in Hogwarts. But don't worry.  You don't have to name names. Just tell me if he is a brunet or redhead."

The other girls squealed in delight. Then they were whistling and catcalling.

Hermione was stumped. She knew what Ginny was trying to get her to admit. Ginny wanted her to admit to every Gryffindor girl from fourth to seventh year, even in just a vague way, that she liked Ron. 

The only male redheads in the school were the Weasley boys. Fred and George were both taken by Angelina and Katie, respectively. And it was common knowledge how Hermione could hardly stand the twins with all their incessant pranks. Thus that left Ron. And Hermione did have a crush on Ron, damn it.

Her eyes narrowed at Ginny. The fiery redhead was her closest female friend, and Hermione loved her very much…but sometimes, Ginny could be very naughty and sly like Fred and George. 

Ha, two could play this game.

"Neither. He's blond." Hermione answered with all innocence. She tried very hard not to smile.

Ginny's eyes grew wide with surprise. "What?"

The rest of the girls gasped in surprise as well.

_'Haha, gotcha,' Hermione thought triumphantly._

"What kind of blond, Hermione? Not sandy-blond, by any chance?" Lavender piped up, her eyes narrowed dangerously.

Oops. Of course, Lavender was always possessive when it came to Seamus.

Hermione shook her head reassuringly. "No, not sandy-blond. Don't worry, Lavender," she said while stifling her laughter.

"What kind of blond, then?" Lavender persisted. 

Hermione sighed inwardly. This girl was not only possessive—she was insanely jealous.  

"It's platinum blond, okay?" Hermione blurted out the first kind of blond which popped up in her mind.

All other girls stared at Hermione with their jaws hanging open. At first she tried to ignore it, but she found it annoying and disconcerting.

"What?" Hermione asked, irritated.

"Platinum blond?" Stella squeaked. "You said platinum blond!" She even pointed at Hermione for emphasis.

"Yeah, so what?" Hermione said rather snappishly. But her stomach started to twist painfully when slowly, the implication of her answer dawned on her.

There were a number of male blonds in Hogwarts. But there was only one platinum blond.

Draco Malfoy.

**~~~**


	2. Cookie Two

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

**~~~**

"No! No, no, no!!!" Hermione exclaimed in panic. "It's not what you think! I don't like him in any way!!!"

A few girls snickered. Some even tutted under their breaths.

Parvati raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Who don't you like in any way, Hermione? I have no idea. Do you have any idea, Lavender?" She turned to her equally beautiful yet equally gossip-obsessed friend. 

Lavender shrugged. "I have no idea, too. Can you tell us who he is, Hermione?"

Hermione, who was not a violent person by nature, was suddenly seized with an urge to smash their faces in. She resisted the urge with all the strength that she had. She turned to Ginny instead, so she could get some moral support. But the younger girl was still staring at her in shock. Hermione figured that she had to face this alone for now.

"I don't fancy platinum blonds," Hermione said in sure voice.

"Well, let's get back to the original question. Is your Hogwarts crush a redhead or a brunet?" Angelina said. She leaned forward to look at Hermione closely.

Hermione bit her lower lip. She weighed the options in her head. If she answered redhead, she might as well admitted that she liked Ron. It was a dead give-away. She didn't want anyone to know for real that she had a crush on Ron. No way. Then she should answer brunet instead—it's a safe answer, since there were many brunets in school. But Hermione knew very well that the girls would automatically assume that she liked Harry if she answered brunet, and for her, that was just as bad as admitting to practically everyone that she liked Ron. For some strange reason, many people thought that her friendship with the two boys could end up in a bizarre love triangle. Hermione loved Harry very much—but only as a platonic friend, period. It was bad enough that the Skeeter cow paired her up with Harry back in fourth year in a made-up article, which people unfortunately lapped up. Hermione didn't want a replay of that.

That left Hermione with the option to let the girls think that she liked Malfoy…but she thought that _that was the worst option of all._

She opened her mouth to speak, but for once, she was at a loss. No sound issued from her lips except for one confused little squeak.

"This is stupid," Parvati snapped. "Really, Hermione, you don't have to be ashamed of it. Okay, Mafoy's the ultimate git, but really, he's now a major hottie. I can really understand why you fancy him, Hermione."

"Yeah, you got to admit Malfoy is as good on the outside as he is bad in the inside," Stella said with a nod of her head. She sighed. "Good looks are wasted on all the wrong people."

"Really, when it all comes down to it, the sexual tension between you and Malfoy is sizzling," Mia said knowledgeably. "I've always thought that the thing between the two of you is not really hate, but HD."

"What's HD?" Ginny asked. She finally spoke, much to Hermione's relief.

"Why, it's hidden desire, of course," Mia answered.

"BUT I DO NOT FANCY DRACO MALFOY!!!" Hermione exclaimed in full volume out of exasperation. She wanted to pull all her hair out from the frustration she was feeling. She might as well tell the truth, for it could not be worse than this. "I fancy Ron. Okay, I admit. I FANCY RON! That's the truth!" She turned to Ginny. "I'm telling the truth, you know it! Please tell them that it's the truth!"

Ginny nodded vigorously. "She is. She's not lying, I swear."

"That's a bad thing to do, Hermione! Using Ron as a cover-up, and getting Ginny to lie for you!" Lavender exclaimed indignantly.

Ginny stared at Lavender, her jaw dropping in surprise.

"You don't have to deny it, Hermione. We're open-minded people. And it's about time that there's a Slytherin-Gryffindor couple, don't you think?" Stella said in a reassuring tone.  But Hermione was in no way reassured.

"And we can find ways to hook you and Malfoy up. We'll help you to snag him, Hermione," Katie said excitedly. "I think he likes you too!"

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO SNAG HIM! AND WE HATE EACH OTHER!" Hermione roared. But no one paid attention to her except Ginny. She buried her face in her hands. "Oh, dear God. Why is this happening?" 

Ginny turned to her. "Oh, Hermione, what have you gotten yourself into?"

**~~~**


	3. Cookie Three

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

**~~~**

The next morning…

Draco sat at the head of the Slytherin table, quietly eating his buttered toast, while the other Slytherins chatted happily around him. He scowled at them. Why were they so…so alive and awake at seven in the morning? He looked at Crabbe and Goyle who were seating near him. They were sniggering stupidly at a lewd joke Zabini just excitedly told. Weren't there anyone aside from Draco who felt like dozing off on the table right then and there?

Suddenly he heard a female voice against his ear. "Draco, you look like you're still asleep. Want me to wake you up?" the voice purred softly.

He turned around in his seat and saw Pansy behind his chair. She was leaning against the backrest, a suggestive look on her face. Draco felt some of the sleepiness fade away. He hated Pansy's guts, but she sure grew up to be one hell of an eye candy. 

"And how would you do that?" Draco said. His voice came out in a soft, hungry growl.

"Like this." And then she leaned forward to kiss him. With heat. Well, kiss wasn't exactly the right term. Devoured was more like it. Draco didn't mind. No, not at all. He practically swallowed her tongue as well.

They broke apart after what seemed to be hours. The whole Slytherin table whistled, cheered ("He scores!"), and whooped. Pansy smiled a self-satisfied smile and slid on her seat beside her usual gang of girls. Draco leaned back on his chair and smirked smugly. He felt awake now, and he felt like a lord. He was in his element.

At that moment, a flurry of owls swooped inside the Great Hall. A few owls landed on near Draco's plate. He recognized his majestic eagle owl carrying a bag of sweets from home; a plain brown owl from _The Daily Prophet office, carrying the day's paper; and an old school owl carrying a rolled up piece of parchment. A school owl? Why would anyone in Hogwarts send him an owl when he or she could just talk to him?_

Curious, he untied the string around the owl's leg and took the piece of parchment. He unrolled it, and an overpowering sweet smell met his nose. Gah, it was scented stationery parchment. He wrinkled his nose and read:

_Dearest Draco,_

_I think I'm in love with you. Yes, I know that people think I hate you, but I don't. I'm just repressing my real feelings.  I just got tired of keeping it to myself. And I got tired of the verbal fights we had. I think it's petty, the way we insult each other all the time. That's why I'm letting you know what I feel, even if you don't know my identity yet. As of now, I can only give you the initial of my first name as a clue. But in time I'll reveal myself to you._

_I hope you feel the same way about me. I hope you don't really hate me, even though it seems to be the case._

_Lovingly yours, _

_H_

Draco's eyes practically bulged out of the sockets. Who the bloody hell sent this? Was this a joke? Or was this for real? He stared at the letter, trying hard to place the handwriting—but he couldn't place it. And he doubted if he could even if he went round researching for it. The words were written in printed block letters.

He clucked his tongue as his forehead creased in deep thought. Who was the one he always insulted? Well, he always insulted a lot of people (really, he was superior over them), but who was the one he insulted all the time, and who often did the same to him? Who was the one he always had verbal fights with? Who was the one he hated, and who hated him back? Who was the one with a first name starting with H?

Suddenly, the puzzles pieces clicked into place. And as they did so, a very sick feeling sunk in Draco's stomach.

Could it be—oh no, heaven forbid, if there really was a heaven—_POTTER???_

**~~~**


	4. Cookie Four

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

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**_~~~_**

"Bloody hell!!!" Draco exclaimed as the unwelcome thought settled in his mind.  '_Oh no, no, please no.' He hastily crumpled the piece of parchment and stuffed it inside the pocket of his robes. He made a mental note to burn the letter in the fireplace as soon as he came back to the common room._

"Hey, Malfoy, you alright?" Zabini asked, his blue eyes fixed on Draco. "You look paler than usual, and I never thought that was possible."

Under normal circumstances, Zabini would have gotten a scathing comeback for such a remark, but Draco just let it pass; these weren't normal circumstances, anyway. He nodded frantically instead. "Yeah, I'm alright…well, not really. I guess it's something I ate." He nervously wiped his lips with the back of his handkerchief—a monogrammed one at that—as he answered.

Zabini didn't look convinced, but he tactfully didn't say anything else, which was a very good thing. The last thing Draco needed was other Slytherins asking him if he was alright.

"I got to go," Draco said as he pushed back his chair. In a flash, he was up and heading towards the door. He didn't know why he had to go and where he was going; all he knew was that he had to get out of the Great Hall…_fast._

"Hey, Draco, where are you going?" Pansy called after him, but he didn't even look back. Fortunately, she didn't follow outside—maybe she finally learned to leave him alone every now and then.

So he briskly walked down the corridors, not really seeing where he was going. He was busy thinking about the letter, and how it freaked the hell out of him. No, it wasn't as if Draco was a homophobe. Truth to be told, he had long accepted the existence of homosexual relationships ever since he accidentally discovered one of his own father's best kept secrets: Lucius Malfoy once had a short-time _boyfriend before he married the then-Narcissa  Delacroix._

Draco had figured that if it was good enough for his father, then it couldn't be wrong. Still, accepting the existence homosexuality was one thing; being the object of desire of homosexuals was another—it made him feel uncomfortable. He simply didn't sail on that ship—thanks, but no, thanks. And he didn't want anyone getting any ideas. He was straight as a ruler.

And now, Potter was in love with him.

Still, it could be just a joke. Draco desperately wished that it was so. But who would dare play a joke on him? No matter what people would say, there were really only two kinds of people in Hogwarts—those who sided with Potter and those who sided with Draco. 

If the letter was a joke, then the sender obviously didn't side with either of them. And for Draco, that made no sense at all.

Then the letter must be for real. 

Then a new thought settled in Draco's mind, which made him feel miserable. If Potter, well, fancied him, Draco couldn't go on making his life a living hell, because Potter might think he was really just flirting.

And_ not making Potter's life a living hell was something Draco really hated to do. _

Suddenly, he bumped into something solid and soft.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" a shrill voice cut through the air and pierced through Draco's ears.

He looked up and saw Granger, looking annoyed. Maybe it was just out of habit, but he totally forgot his problems when he saw her. It was torture time. Really, Draco had too much fun annoying the people he was annoyed with.

"It's not my fault you arse is too big for the hallway, you Mudblood," he snarled at her.

Granger went red. Before she had any chance to retaliate, Weasley and Potter showed up around the corner.

"Malfoy, I heard that, you bastard! Get out of her before I castrate you," Weasley growled.

But Draco wasn't paying attention to what Weasley was saying. He stood frozen, focused on Potter.

Potter walked up to Draco, his green eyes flashing. "Get out of here before I shove my wand up your arse, Malfoy," he hissed in a low voice.

_'He wants to shove his **wand up my arse!' Draco thought frantically. Sending letters was more than aggressive enough for him, thankyouverymuch. An innuendo-filled pick-up line like the one Potter just used on him was too much.**_

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" Draco, now considerably traumatized, screamed out loud before running towards the opposite direction.

**~~~**


	5. Cookie Five

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

**~~~**

Draco ran all the way back to his dormitory, practically screaming his tonsils off all the while. When he reached his bed, he plopped himself on it, trying to catch his breath. He was totally tired out, as he traversed the Hogwarts corridors in a fashion like that of a headless chicken's.

For a fleeting moment, he realized that he had never really seen a headless chicken run, and that he wanted to see that soon…but he shook his head to clear off the thought. This was no time to take mental detours. He still had stuff to do if he wanted to keep his sanity intact. He had to turn to _him. __He would be the only one who would understand. __He was the only one Draco could trust._

He reached under his fluffy pillows and retrieved _him—Hugo. Hugo was Draco's journal, a regular-sized silver-coated hardbound notebook. He had been writing on the journal all his feelings over various things ever since his shrink from St. Mungo's advised him to do so in one of their anger management sessions.  Draco named the journal Hugo because he could never bear to write 'dear diary' or anything similar whenever he made an entry. Now, Hugo was a manly, macho name for a journal. Perfect for the completely straight and manly—albeit not macho—owner of the journal._

Usually, Draco's entries were filled with hatred and anger toward Potter and his gang, but now, he was about to write an entry filled with…fear and terror. The feelings were all so new to him.

After a series of incantations, Draco managed to unlock his journal, and he began to write 

_Hugo,_

_            My life is beginning to resemble a soap opera. You know, like the tacky mid-afternoon shows they broadcast over Wizarding Vision Network. They're thirty-minute episodes, and they run everyday and no one knows when they would end—maybe after a couple of months if ratings are low, or maybe even after twenty years. Take **Tender Torment, for example. It's on WVN, channel 34, at half past three every afternoon. So far, Adelaida's evil twin, Alissandra, finally got her memories back after a powerful dark witch (I think her name's Bathsheba) unlocked the Memory Charm which Leopoldo (Adelaida's boyfiriend, who Alissandra loves) had cast on her.  Now everything's chaotic because Alissandra is determined to seduce Leopoldo; however, Geronimo, who is in love with Alissandra, is very jealous—he wants Leopoldo killed, and that stu**_

(By this time, Draco realized what he had just written, so he abruptly changed topic without even bothering to finish the previous sentence.)

_Okay, I am now telling you about how my life is a soap opera._

_See, I'm the only heir of my father, who is powerful man who happens to be part of the inner circle of you-know-what (I can't tell you what that is for security purposes, just in case that by some freak accident, someone is able to unlock the Locking Charms I placed on you), and I'm expected to join that inner circle as soon as I finish school.  _

_You-know-what are serving **him (I can't tell you who he is for security purposes, but let me tell you that all male pronouns written in bold letters are referring to this same person), and now ****he has  been back and ready to kick arse again. But ****he can't completely have**** his own way again because of the little prick who for some reason, didn't die when ****he tried to kill him fifteen years ago. Thus, ****he and ****his servants want to bring the little prick down.**_

_And now, it turns out that the little prick is in love with me. That is horrible in the first place. And it'll be more horrible when my father finds out (and most likely he will, as the inner circle has spies all over), because he'll expect me to take advantage of the situation. My father will expect ME to seduce the little prick so that he can be lured to go to **him. If I fail to do so, surely ****he would make me pay even though I'm still not an official member of you-know-what, and I don't want to think about that.**_

_And if I have to seduce the little prick, then I have to do all that I can, right; I may even have to, you know, do it with him. A boy. And I'm straight. It's not fair._

_And if that's not bad enough, then here's worse: I'm a virgin! If I don't get some action with girls soon, I might end up doing it the first time with a boy who I seriously loathe. That is a nightmare. I don't think I've ever been that evil to deserve this. _

_I don't want that to happen to me!!!_

_I think I'll just pretend I'm insane so that my parents can send me directly to St Mungo's basement._

_Draco_

He felt a little better after he had written the entry. He closed his journal and performed some Locking Charms, and then he slid the book back under his pillows.

He had to find a girl to shag really soon, just in case. And he didn't think he would have a hard time looking for one, or ten.

Yes, Draco felt better, and he felt that he could go outside again and function as a normal human being.

When he turned around, he saw a fat dwarf dressed up in a toga patterned with red and pink hearts all over standing at the doorway.

**~~~**

**A/N: I'm perfectly fine with slash and homosexuality. Whatever Draco thinks doesn't reflect what I think. :) Really, Draco ought to be flattered if Harry really does like him. :)**


	6. Cookie Six

**Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.**

**A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:   **

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is **queen of slytherin over at FA Park.**

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**_~ Crushing on You ~_**

**~~~**

Before Draco could say anything else, the dwarf stomped towards him, looking surly despite the lovey-dovey outfit.

"I have a valentine for you, Draco Malfoy," drawled the dwarf.

"But-but—but it's not even February!" Draco sputtered after finally regaining his bodily functions for speech and movement.

"One can receive a valentine even when it isn't February, Draco Malfoy," answered the dwarf sourly. "For everyone's good, just let me deliver the message I was asked to send you."

Draco seized the dwarf by the shoulders and shook him hard until his teeth (the dwarf's, not Draco's) chattered. _"Who sent you? Who sent you?"_

"Sto-stop sha-sha-king m-me! I-I c-can't a-an-swer well!" 

Draco reluctantly released the dwarf. The dwarf, on the other hand, indignantly fixed the toga he was wearing.

"Who sent you, dwarf?" Draco barked.

"The sender wishes to be anonymous, Draco Malfoy. I have sworn under oath to never reveal the identity. Now let me do my business then I will leave."

"AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH" That was one of the most frustrated screams Draco ever made.

And before Draco knew what was going on, the dwarf launched into a song and dance number, complete with twists, cartwheels, and twirls:

_Oh Drakie, you're so fine,_

_You're so fine, you blow my mind_

_Hey, Drakie (hey, hey)_

_Hey, Drakie (hey, hey)_

_Oh, Drakie, you're so fine,_

_You're so fine, you blow my mind_

_Hey, Drakie (hey, hey)_

_Hey, Drakie_

_Hey, Drakie_

_Yes, all we do is fight _

_But now I want some more,_

_You think you're always right,_

_But I think you've got it wrong._

_Why can't we just work and try_

_So you can take me home, Drakie!_

_'Coz I always hope you will_

_But I know you ever won't_

_You're giving me the chills_

_Baby, please, baby don't_

_Every night I feel all alone_

_Drakie__!_

_Oh, Drakie, what a pity you don't understand_

_You take me by the heart_

_When you curse me with your wand_

_Oh, Drakie, you're so pretty_

_Can't you understand?_

_It's boys like you, Drakie_

_Oh, what you do, Drakie_

_Do Drakie_

_Don't break my heart Drakie!_

The sounds of loud, hysterical laughter and frenzied clapping drifted from the doorway as soon as the dwarf finished performing

"Bravo! Bravo!" 

Blaise Zabini was standing at the doorway, clutching his sides as if holding on for dear life.

**~~~**

**Additional Disclaimer: The song ****_Mickey isn't mine. The dwarf's song is actually a filk of the song _****_Mickey, which I'm pretty sure you're all familiar with. :D_**

**A/N: Watch out for updates! :D******


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